Unexplained Feelings
by sosise
Summary: Rikkai gakuen-- Sanada x Yukimura pairing. their relationship and my interpretation of Sanada and Yukimura. will love any review.
1. Chapter 1

I AM RELOADING THE THING WITH SOME MINOR CHANGES AND HUGE GRAMMAR CHECK.

PLEASE ENJOY.

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Yukimura looked at his hands, both weak and unmoveable. What the hell is happening? His vision getting blurry and his legs won't move. He tried to move his legs forward but it won't move. It's like suddenly his body refuses to listen what his brain said. And he fell to the ground, face first. People looked at him, but he couldn't care less. He was still trying moving his own lips. And he failed.

His mind was blank. What happened? Why can't I bloody move my own body?

He could hear his name shouted and called by his team mates, all sounded worried. I am fine! He shouted inside his head. I am perfectly fine! It's just I couldn't move… my whole body, even a damn single finger.

"Yukimura- buchou! Hang on there!"

He could hear Marui tried to assure himself that his buchou is fine by telling Yukimura to hang on. I am fine, bloody hell! I am really fine! It's just I couldn't move… at all…

And in the heat of panic, Sanada pulled Yukimura from the cold pathway and bring him in princess-style. Everybody was so panicked that they ignored the details which usually will be the hot topic of gossip for months in Rikkai. All they wanted was just to make sure their dear buchou was fine.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"…what the hell is this?"

"We couldn't make it without buchou!"

"Why is this happening now?"

"Now, of all time?!"

"please be quiet." A sudden cold voice immediately cut all of other voices off. The whole members were silenced following their subconscious obedience to the blue haired guy. Yukimura voice is their God's voice; they must always obey their buchou's order. Akaya was sitting on his buchou's feet, head on his lap, acting submissive and meek. Yukimura smiled and tried to move his hand to pat his kouhai's head. But the hand couldn't move as graceful as he wanted; it just lifts barely a bit from its resting place. Akaya wasn't that sensitive, but he realized that his buchou was trying to pat his head, which was in vain. Akaya felt obliged to grab it and touched it to his head. Yukimura smiled and felt thankful for his kouhai's understanding. But he felt pathetic at the same time.

"Thank you, Akaya. I am really sorry. I know this is so sudden and so unreasonable. I didn't know that this could happen now. I never know I will have this disease. I feel useless now, but I am sure… all of you will be ok and bring Rikkai for national, will you?"

His tone was soft but cold. Silent filled the air. Every regular member in the room could feel the mixed feelings behind those words—Yukimura himself is the one taking the hardest impact of the situation and that they have no excuse of loosing the match against Seigaku this time. But they were determined and they have the confidence that they will win. They are _the Rikkai_ afterall.

"We will win; we are the emperor." Sanada closed the conversation.

They were dismissed after that. Everyone leaves the room, leaving Sanada as the last person in the room with Yukimura. Sanada spoke softly to the disabled blue haired beauty on the bed.

"Rest well, Yukimura."

"… Will you leave me too?" the sudden soft whisper he didn't expect surprised Sanada Genichiou.

"huh?"

"Will you… stay with me?"

"The visiting hour is almost ended…"

"Don't leave me alone, Sanada. I beg you… I am scared." Yukimura looked at Sanada; signalling Sanada not to go through the door; whispering inaudible plead to be with him tonight in the hospital bed.

Sanada looked at him and at the door. He was frozen, torn between leaving and staying. In the end, Sanada choose to close the door behind him.

Yukimura looked at the closed door, unbelievingly. He felt rejected. He was quite confident that Sanada will stay with him. He even begged Sanada to stay. His usual fukubuchou will always listen to his every whim. But now he is the invalid boy; not their strongest buchou anymore. But now he is no longer the child of God, he is no longer their invincible buchou. And Sanada would not waste his time for an invalid person.

Yukimura's family failed to come over. No, actually they don't want to come. His immediate family never even care about his condition. He lives alone in the small flat near Rikkai. His whole family stays overseas, migrated from last 5 years. They never contacted him—it was just out of obligation that Yukimura sent an email talking about his current condition once a week to his mother's email account. It was never replied. He suspected that the email address itself is already inactive. He doesn't really care since it has started since he was young; since he was born. He told himself he should be happy since he could be free and never have anybody to control his life. He was fine as Sanada was almost always beside him and taking care the other Rikkai regular members had always busied his mind. At one point, tennis has been his goal in life. He was glad he entered Rikkai and meet the whole club members. They always played to his place, they filled it with laughter and life, and Sanada often stayed in his place, just to spend the night together. In tennis he found something he never had—control, friend, reputation and awe. But now, as Sanada closed the door, he realized everything. He is nothing without tennis. He has nothing to turn to. He has lost his ability to play tennis, he has lost control on his own body and he has lost the respect from his fellow members. He is currently worthless.

Worthless. That's why they left him in the flat, alone.

"sorry, it took along time to make them return safely home."

Yukimura looked up and saw Sanada standing before the door, sweats on his face.

"And I got some strawberry milk for you, your favourite."

Yukimura looked disbelievingly at his fukubuchou. "why… are you here?" He asked in small voice.

"Didn't you want me to stay?"

His fukubuchou took another step and placed the milk carton on the table. "Please cheer up. Drink this, this will make you better. I promise I will come here everyday."

"A…" Yukimura couldn't believe his eyes. "..ahaha…ha…" he was laughing heartlessly and tears fell down his cheek. He felt pathetic. Being melodramatic for a moment when actually… he is being loved by someone.

"Why… are you crying?"

Sanada wiped the tears with his hands. The soft skin of Yukimura never cease his amazement. Seeing yukimura so weak that he couldn't even wipe his own tears makes him wanted to protect this delicate person forever. However, realizing it were dirty, Sanada quickly retreat his hands. Yukimura shouted involuntarily. "Stop!"

"Stop? I am sorry, my hands are dirty…"

"I don't care… please, touch me, Gen. please… I like it."

Sanada blushed. It was a rare thing his buchou became this meek. He wasn't really sure he liked it or not, but Yukimura now is so fragile and in the verge of breakdown. Yukimura in this bed is not the usual strong, scary and charismatic leader of Rikkai anymore, he has become the lonely, scared and insecure child whom he met first time when they made their first love.

"I won't go anywhere. I wouldn't leave you."

Sanada gently kissed Yukimura forehead. Yukimura looked like he is struggling; he tried to move his hand to catch Sanada, but in vain. He couldn't even shed his own tears.

"Sorry… I know you don't like the weak me. Sorry. I don't like this weak me either. Sorry." Yukimura apologized over and over like he has done the worst mistake in his life. Sanada felt his chest stung. It's not Yukimura's fault he sick.

"hush, it's fine, it's not your fault. Just rest and you can get your old self back."

"… thank you." Yukimura smiled sadly. Somehow a mixed feeling filled his mind. He knew and thankful that Sanada was trying to cheer him up. But the way he said that made Yukimura wondered about how actually what Sanada loves is his mask; the mask of the strong and God-like buchou. In retrospective, Sanada never really looked at him when he was feeling weak—especially after making out. Sanada refused to look at him after they finished their sessions. Maybe 'Old self' that Sanada means is the whole key. Nobody need him as a poor child, everybody needs him as the invincible leader. There is no place for weaknesses, and for that, Yukimura found he was actually alone although Sanada's hand was clutching on his palm.

"Your hands are cold. Do you want me to increase the heater temperature?"

"I am fine, Sanada. Just leave and go home. Make sure you do the best tomorrow and I will not tolerate any mistake for tomorrow tournament."

Sanada was quite surprised to hear the cold and strict buchou's voice. He hadn't see that coming, as Yukimura in front of him was now laying weakly and looked serene. In his mind, he suddenly realized that Yukimura is his buchou, not a damsel in distress. He was delusioned to think that his buchou needs him. He was almost ready to support Yukimura if he cries again, but it seems that Yukimura didn't want it. It will be an insult if he tried to console Yukimura too, so…

"Ok. I will be leaving now."

With that, Yukimura and Sanada lost their last chance to communicate honesty.

~*~*~*~~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"You what?" Yukimura couldn't believe his own ears.

"We lost. Sorry."

"GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!!! DON'T MENTION TENNIS TO ME ANYMORE!!!"

By that, Yukimura cut all chance of excuses from his fellow club members. Everybody was waiting in front of the room, head down; each realized their faults and failure. Even without the usual punishment, reality has slapped them in face harder than usual. They haven't lost since so long time ago—this lose is a slap in the face, a warning against their overconfident-ego. Nobody dares to speak out, as they also known what happened with Yukimura—that he couldn't play tennis anymore. The doctors just told him that he just couldn't play back even if he wanted that.

Yukimura closed his eyes, and shouted. The voice seems really pitiful, like a wounded wolf.

The whole situation was purely devastating. They are used to have been called the emperor of the junior high school for two consecutive years, having the perfect member; having their own strength and being lead by the Child of God. The pride, the self confidence, everything collapsed in just one particular match.

Yukimura clench his fist as tight as he can, body weak after operation and heart shouted for fairness in fate. It's not fair—they have been doing some crazy practice—and considering their own potentials… why everything should go now? Why he must down with this ridiculous disease which made them loose the place that should have been theirs. To Seigaku, even. They were just small fries two years ago!

Why is he this wretched? Why is he so ridiculous? Why is everything always going against him? Why is it happening now, of all time? Why is he…

Why all of this is his fault?

Nobody dared to come to his room anymore. Nobody visit him anymore; out of guilt and shame. Everybody helped him when he was released from hospital, but they didn't even make effort to congratulate him. Yukimura bitterly received the treatment. He felt that everything was his fault and he deserved it.

He was lonely and determined. He wouldn't loose. He has to give everything he has on his next and last chance. He was only released from hospital for barely 2 days when he started his usual regime—20 laps morning and evening, match against the wall, against the regulars and heavy portion of fitness. It was a crazy thing to do, even all the doctors ultimatum him to stop. But he knows he need to keep his promise and as nobody was there to control him—his team mates were too obedience to warn him and his family was off the picture—he continued to stretch himself all out.

Sanada watched as their leader and his lover running around the courts. His face focused, he didn't even care about the crazy amount of sweats coming out from his body or how pale his face was. Drenched in sweats, he looked stunningly sexy. Not that Sanada dare to say anything. For the past few weeks, their relationship has changed to worse. Yukimura seldom called him anymore; their hearts were separated further from what they used to be. They were restraining themselves from body contact as it is bad for Yukimura's health and distracting his practice. But usually they will still spend the time together in Yukimura's flat, just watching tennis video or cuddling against each other. Sanada has customised himself to Yukimura's hard and perfectionist personality, his habits and feelings, and secretly proud to be the only one who know what the Child of God feels like in bed, clinging to him, eyes seductively flutter with ecstasy. Honestly, Sanada missed all that. After he was released, Yukimura never called him anymore; their relationship seemed to be halted into postponed mode. Yukimura was acting like they just a regular friend, and what hurts the most was Yukimura started to avoid him and just before the practice yesterday, Yukimura returned him all his clothes and mug in a plain cardboard.

"_Sanada, I think these things… just mess my flat. I think you should get it back."_

"_Yukimura!"_

"_Buchou! Fukubuchou! The morning practice should start now!" Akaya called them from the changing room, as the whole member was ready on the court. _

_Their lost was the trigger. Their leader's sudden illness and the will to regain their pride motivated them. And the picture of their buchou practicing like hell, more than them; make them felt ashamed with themselves._

_Yukimura sighed. "It's buchou for you now." With that, he left. "All of you, 25 laps now!" Sanada could hear Yukimura's voice through the morning air. Sanada couldn't move; he was too stunned to even put the cardboard inside his locker._

"_Is this… how we; no. You; say goodbye? What's wrong with us?" Sanada asked pleadingly to Yukimura, who clearly avoiding him now. _

"… _I am sorry. We are not compatible. Just that." He whispered coldly and left to practice with Akaya. _

Throughout the practice, school and practice again that day, Sanada was inside his head. He was auto-piloting while his mind was simply busy thinking and searching for a valid reason.

Why in the world Yukimura wanted to shut him out? Why the hell they need to break up? Nothing was wrong. He has done nothing wrong to induce Yukimura's wrath. Well, except those looses and his illness, but…

Then an idea came to his mind the day after. No, it's a suggestion. Better even, it's a fact.

_Yukimura was fed up with him because he lost to Seigaku. _

It is understandable. Yukimura is a perfectionist and he brought everything to perfection. He doesn't need a loser. He need everything to be perfect. He didn't need an undependable partner. He is perfect in every single way and he expected Sanada to be one too.

He wasn't enough for Yukimura. He isn't worthy of Yukimura's love. He should be more… more… and more…

____________________________

The week practices were very different from usual. Tense atmosphere filled Rikkai's tnnis courts. The whole team was scared and motivated by their two leaders who look like they are determined to work themselves to death. Yukimura looked pale as he struggled for his last lap. He tried to keep cool, but his head was giving away. He hated all of this. Since when he become this weak?

The next minute, he fallen to the ground, luckily caught in time by Sanada who was following closely behind him. Sanada sighed as he tried to lift his ex-lover. Since when he became this light? Sanada knew perfectly why Yukimura fainted. Yukimura hated to run behind anybody; he always want to be ahead of someone. And he pushed himself to run faster than Sanada. Of course it is ridiculous since Sanada clearly have better stamina and speed. Sanada, knew by habit after spending two years with Yukimura, understood that Yukimura's habits are all driven by same feeling; insecurity.

While Yukimura was tken away by their fukubuchou, the other members gathered to exchanged gossip as usual. "What happened between them?" Marui whispered to Niou. "They didn't even speak to each other since last week."

"Some petty fight?"

"They broke up?"

"Well, I dunno." Niou looked suspiciously at Sanada who was carrying Yukimura princess style to the clinic. He did suspect something was off between their 'parents'.

It was a universal secret that their buchou and fukubuchou were going out. All the club members, well at least the regulars, knew and always gave them some time together. But since last week, both of them appeared to avoid each other and they didn't even talk—funny, when they used to stare at each other's eyes so deeply and acted like two lovebird under the morning sun.

"Maybe Sanada was too harsh and hurt Yukimura and Yukimura didn't like it and they fight?" Jackal asked in small voice. Marui and Niou nodded. "That's a possibility."

"Hey, what happen? Tell me!" Akaya asked his sempai-tachi.

"Not a child's business." In unison, three of them answered. Akaya turned red in the eye and challenged them for a tennis match. He hated being treated like a child while he is actually one. The situation was in chaos for a while but since neither buchou nor fukubuchou was there, nobody cared to stop them (well, Renji and Yagyuu were chatting about the weather while walking behind, pretending they didn't notice the chaotic situation).

~*~*~~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*

He tried to grasp them. But they always moved away without him. His mother looked at him so cold like he is a filthy burden while his father even refused to look at him. His grandfather was the only one who smiled and patted him on the head, but he knew that he was the sole reason his grandfather need to go to hospital every single week. He is the reason why his grandparents suffered from hypertension. He was the source of their stress. He was a burden. He is still the burden. He was an outcast. He didn't deserve to live. He was… he was alone.

Yukimura opened his eyes. Such a dream, he has long forgotten. He used to have it when he was younger, but since he has successfully blocked them away 2 years ago, he almost forgotten the dream. It doesn't count as nightmare as it was telling the truth. He didn't have a family to go home to and neither of his parents on the paper acknowledge him as their son.

"Yukimura, are you awake?"

"Sa…Sanada…?"

"You fainted this morning. Are you eating properly? I know you always skip meal everytime there is nobody to warn you."

"I hate to cook and I don't feel like eating."

"I beg you, you just out from the hospital. Don't make a chance for the disease to relapse!"

"I won't. it's just a mistake. I won't faint again."

"You don't say fainting as a mistake! It's the sign that you are pushing yourself too hard! Yukimura, listen to your common sense!"

"I have perfectly working sense, thank you very much."

"Don't you 'thank you' ing me now! Don't you understand that taking care of your own body is one of primary duty as an athlete?"

"Why are you so annoying now, Sanada? We have promise that we will win this time. I have no intention to break my promises. I will not let our team loose to Seigaku and I won't fall sick again."

"Yukimura…" Sanada hold Yukimura's hand in his tightly. "what I asked wasn't this."

"then what??? Aren't you guys the one who wanted the strong leader so that we can win again? Do you forget our ultimate goal? Don't be soft so sudden! It's weird!"

"I don't want to see you back in hospital just for a petty victory! Sometimes there is something that is better than winning!"

"Wasn't it just a lie? You only care when I am the good leader, right? I am trying here, so let me be one!"

"Yukimura, don't be stupid. Listen…"

"Who cares whether I eat or not? Who cares whether I was sick or not? Nobody complain as long as I am perfect, ain't them? If we win, wouldn't it be nice? We can be the emperor again. So shut up and let me be alone!"

"… I want to, but I can't."

"What? Why can't? Everybody was more than happy to leave me alone!" His family did that so perfect! Yukimura added it in his heart.

"I am not everybody. Well, I know you said we were finished, but I still care… for you."

Yukimura couldn't believe his ears. He stared at Sanada as though he was crazy. That was the first time somebody said they care… and it touched his heart. He couldn't control his body shaking, while tears running down his cheek.

"Really? You care? About me?"

"I do. I always do." Sanada kissed away Yukimura's tears. Yukimura pushed him aside.

"Liar. You said you wanted the old 'buchou' back. Not me."

"I wanted you, all of you."

"You don't know all of me."

"I do. Well, not all, but I think I do."

"I know you hate this weak me. I know you only wanted to see the 'Child of God Yukimura'."

"I don't know what make you so denial and scared like this. This insecurity… we have been together for a year, for goodness' sake! I know I don't feel familiar with this weak side of yours but if you don't let me see, tell me what you feel, how do you expect me to understand?"

Sanada, not used to give speech more than necessary, was at loss of words. He didn't know he could shout at Yukimura and spoke those cheesy words either. And he just realized that he was speaking in loudspeaker-manner… How will his buchou reacts? Yukimura was starring at Sanada deeply. He looked like he was trying to suppress some emotions as well as receiving the fact that Sanada really care about him. Sanada felt like he is in the edge of a cliff. Suddenly, Yukimura chuckled.

"You are amazed yourself, aren't you?"

"huh?" Sanada turned bright red.

"You can talk that LOUD and TACKY to your buchou."

"I…I don't mean…"

"Thank you, by the way. As your lover… I am so happy. Ex-lover… I mean."

"…I never think of us as finished. Not yet."

After a while, Yukimura whispered, "… will you take me in again?"

"the pleasure is mine." Sanada smiled while caressing Yukimura's bright red cheek. Sanada felt a huge wave of relief and longing. How long has he missed this soft skin, and this cute blushing face? He could have took Yukimura now and then, but since it was inappropriate to do anything 'mature' rated in school, he kept his cool and took back his palms. Yukimura seemed like he didn't want Sanada's hand to stop, but he regain composure after a few seconds.

"well, we should get going. I insist to take you back." Sanada stood up and walked to open the curtain when suddenly noises came from behind it. He was suspicious and quickly opened the curtain. He found Marui, on top of Yagyuu, on top of Akaya, on top of Niou, on top of Jackal were hiding behind it. They were struggling to run away, but jumbled in the middle of action. Only Renji has succeeded to run from the dangerous situation.

"What… ARE YOU DOING?"

"We were worried about Yukimura buchou." Niou smiled sheepishly, using the 'good team mates worries about each other' reason to seek the chance of forgiving fukubuchou. But Yukimura caught him first. "Oh, I didn't know you were so attentive to me, Niou-kun. Thank you. If you worry about me, how about a nice trip to the change room and help me clean the whole place? It will be a great help for me."

"Bu..Buchou… it's already dark, can I do it tomorrow…?"

"Do you want another chore of cleaning the whole tennis court?"

"No! No! I am sorry, I will go straight!"

"and all of you might as well as go and help him." Yukimura smiled so sweet at the rest of the people who were all on the floor. They nodded and went straight after Niou. Sanada sighed. "I am always in awe of your ability to scare them with a smile."

"… do you hate or like me smile?"

"of course I love it."

"Cheesy line again. you are getting good at this, aren't you, Sanada?"

"Genichirou for you. I am not cheesy. I am honest."

Sanada gave Yukimura a quick kiss on the lips before pulled him to the door.

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PLEASE REVIEW?


	2. Chapter 2

i redo the chapter...

please bear with me.

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"Water… you beast…" Yukimura writhed softly. It was a nice morning. Sanada was sitting beside his worn out lover. Yukimura's whole body sore after their whole night love making. Sanada passed him a glass of water, but since he couldn't move, Sanada gave him mouth-to-mouth help.

"Can you go to school today?" Sanada asked softly.

"… you can carry me all the way?"

The fukubuchou chuckled. His Buchou sounded so irritated. It's rare since he has so much self-control.

"Sure, why not? It's more or less like lifting weight. I don't think you are that heavy either."

"…Sanada…"

Sanada could hear dangerous voice his lover made and he knew he has overstepped the boundary. Yukimura has turned to buchou mode and was looking strictly at him.

"Give me another 20 laps today, in addition of the usual 25. and don't forget to check the punishment. Make sure the whole room sparks. Tell the teacher I passed out today. I couldn't move."

"Yes." Sanada obediently answered.

"I will do my practice double the usual tomorrow… I couldn't move now. Stupid you, who said I need to take care of my body, huh? Perverted beast… you wouldn't let me go the whole night… ouch! My hips and ass hurts like crazy now…"

"I purposely did that so you will rest today."

"HENTAI!" Yukimura throw the pillow at him, which he received gentlemanly, straight with his face. He knew he was quite wrong but he wouldn't apologize as last night was amazing. He could still feel the lingering touch of Yukimura, his teeth bite his neck tenderly, his hands around him tightly to balance the power of Sanada's thrust deep inside him.

"I am going now. Make sure you stay in bed until I come home. And try to finish the congee I made for you."

"You sound like an overprotective mother."

"Whatever you call me."

Yukimura frowned and closed his eyes. It was a blissful day. He woke up inside Sanada's arm and their feet intertwined like lovers. Bless him, his bottom part stung but his chest was full and contented. He could feel Sanada's desire inside him. He should have asked Sanada to wipe him before he gone. It's sticky but oh-so-sweet. He was crazy for breaking up with him last time. He missed Sanada's touch, his tender and soft lips against his manhood. He is turning to a sex craze demon now.

Well, he can enjoy this feeling as long as he can…

______________________

"How was yesterday, buchou? You look so satisfied."

Niou smirked to Yukimura, who was still sitting on the bench. Niou sounded like he knew all the details of last night. Yukimura cursed inside his heart while still maintaining his usual smile. He almost couldn't walk, but since yesterday night Sanada spend the night (again!) and did him gently, he could at least make his way to school. They arrived this morning in the husband and his pregnant-wife style; Sanada busy making place for Yukimura and Yukimura gently walking as he was trying to walk as normal as he possibly can. The whole member rejoiced; it was as if their fighting parent has gone back normal and loving. As the children of the family (except Renji—he is more like the nanny), everybody always wished that their leaders will always in deep love state, amen.

Yukimura blushed at Niou's statement and smiled. "yes, it was a very night day yesterday, wasn't it, Niou?"

"well… it was and was not, since we were busy while you were doing…"

"Niou!" Yagyuu tried to close his fake twins' mouth. But it failed. The damage has been done. Yukimura already smiled like the usual angel of death.

"Was it fun cleaning the whole room? Then I can suggest your name to the student board as the volunteer this month."

"NOOO!" Niou shrieked. 'Volunteer of the month' is the lowest job ever in student body which job consists of picking trash around school, scrubbing old judo practice centre, helping with library assistance and helping errands for teachers. It was the cursed person's job, and nobody in the entire school really willing to do that (it is already boring and tedious, moreover, a month!).

Yukimura smiled. Niou knew it, he had no other choice.

__________________

They lost.

Yukimura stared at his hand. It was like that day, unmoveable. His whole body felt like stone. What happen? What had gone wrong? He was already ahead… that little brat should have surrendered ages ago. And he was shocked. Not only he didn't surrender, he also beat him. The first in years he was beaten. Beaten by a cocky first year student. That's a huge blow to his pride.

He could feel his head gone numb and his limbs gone cold. He could shake Ryoma's hand, but that was it. He couldn't believe what happening. Every other school was busy starting their celebration, partly because there is apparently a high school that could beat Rikkai-dai, the Emperor. They lifted Ryoma on their heads and shrieked for him. The noises were annoying and Yukimura tried to block everything from his ears.

"Buchou…" Akaya looked up to him with strange face. Yukimura couldn't take it, it feels like Akaya was sympathiying, blaming and accusing him of the defeat.

"Yukimura, are you ok?" Sanada spoke out, hard and cold. Yukimura let out a huge sighed. "It ended. I lost. I am sorry."

"It's fine. We can make it next season." Renji smiled patronizingly to him. But it doesn't help much. Yukimura didn't need people to cheer him up. He knew what he had done and that leads to their lost. They failed to gain the winner seat this time. The whole team member waited tensely. Their buchou is silenced and looked dangerous. They were silence for some time before Yukimura shouted, "All regulars; line up!"

They line up in according of their place as singles and doubles.

They get their punishments and congratulations accordingly.

(I think they got the punishment in the way Yukisana-san ' s 1 litre of tears story—read that, that's great!)

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

They were finished for the day. Every other clubs has gone to celebrate Seigaku's victory. Yukimura looked out and found that Marui were staring longingly at the other members. They were getting to eat some yakiniku. They never have a hanging out time like that. The relationship between their school and other school wasn't that great either. Yukimura felt a little guilty and asked, "Do you want to eat with them too?"

"No, buchou!" Marui unconsciously refused.

"Really?"

"Well, I am hungry, but…"

Yukimura looked at Sanada and made his mind. "Well, let's go to my house—I will treat you some homemade food."

"really?" Niou whistled. Yukimura's cooking was quite good, since he always cook for himself since small. Sanada sighed. He knew he was going to be the maid again—helping in the kitchen, putting out the lates and washing the dishes for Yukimura in the end.

"yeah." Yukimura smiled. The hole team's mood was lifted and they started some jokes and while it was getting fun, everybody understand that deep in their mind they were just making reasons to forget their lost for that day. The atmosphere was starting to get cheerful but unnatural.

~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~

"I am full, thank you!" Niou patted his full stomach. Marui and Akaya were still helping themself with the leftover food while Renji and Sanada washed the dishes.

"come on, don't do diet tonight!" Niou patted Yagyuu's back. "you haven't eat much! eat more!"

Yagyuu blushed. "I am not dieting… I… I am still…"

Yagyuu looked sad, and his other team mates started to look down too. It seemed that the cheerful atsmosphere was starting to wear off and people begun to realized their lost. the cheerful atmosphere changed immediately into dark and gloomy aura. People were staring at the floor, their plates or the ceilings. Yukimura looked at them, and he knew it was his fault.

"Sorry…"

"Bu—Yukimura?" Yagyuu asked.

"If I win, we should have been the one who get the trophy again. sorry."

"Well, you did lost and we didn't get it, but we don't blame you. Cheer." Niou tried to cheer up his leader. Yukimura smiled. But suddenly Akaya sniffled and they saw that he was crying like a baby who lost his candy with all the tears and saliva drooling. But Akaya didn't want to admit he was crying, so he retorted, "buchou… the food is salty."

"… sorry, my bad." Yukimura tried to smile and calm his junior, but when one started crying, other members found that they too, actually had the urge to cry. Marui followed Akaya's lead and Yagyuu followed them. Niou tried to blink so that his tears didn't drip out. Yukimura felt like an ass. He was the one who responsible for the lost. He doesn't have the right to calm and cheer them. He was the sole reason they lost. He never lost and that's why his team members had the confidence all along. But now he is not the Child of God anymore. He is not invincible anymore. He is …

"I am sorry… I…"

Suddenly, Yukimura's home phone rung. Yukimura rose to his feet and went to answered it. Sanada and Renji were back from the kitchen from washing the dishes and shocked to find the regulars' blue atmosphere. Akaya sniffeled and went to Renji for comfort. Sanada tried to order them to stop crying, but they wouldn't stop. Renji sighed. Well, since they were actually still junior high school students, it couldn't be helped. They still need to express and couldn't control their emotions. But Renji knew he better warned them about something, so he spoke:

"I know what you feel, but if you don't stop now, Yukimura will blame himself more."

Everybody stopped his activity. Yes, they knew they lost, and they sad about it but the one who was taking the whole responsible was Yukimura. They didn't want him to be more troubled. They knew his tendency to punish everybody for their fault accordingly, but also knew that Yukimura will always punish himself more and put the blame all on himself. Their buchou is too serious and responsible, and always have the tendency to blame himself over all matters.

Yukimura went back and joined them. He was smiling but his face were white, whiter than when he lost to Ryoma. His hands were shaking, but he was still smiling.

Everybody realized it was a fake smile.

"Yukimura, is everything all right?" Sanada asked, worried.

"yes, everything's fine. Thank you for washing the dishes. I think all of you should get going now, it's getting darker." He smiled while softly trying to chase away his team members.

"Yukimura? Are you sure? What was the phone just now?"

"hmm? Nothing. It's just my family."

Everybody took the reason and they went to collect their things, but Sanada knew something is off. All this time he ever spend time inside Yukimura's flat, he never saw or heard Yukimura's family. He never heard them phone Yukimura either. He knew Yukimura's family went overseas and left him here. He knew all those emails Yukimura wrote and never replied. He knew something was wrong, but he couldn't make himself to ask in front of other members. He knew Yukimura deserved privacy and he knew better than make things worse now.

After all members gone, Sanada closed the door. They didn't ask why he stayed, they knew what was going on and they wanted to give their 'parents' some privacy. Sanada was ready to ask when suddenly Yukimura smiled and ask in matter-of-fact manner. "You don't go home?"

"You want me to?"

Yukimura looked torn from Sanada's answer. "… yes." Yukimura finally answered. "You should go, it's dark already."

"What happened? Are you ok?"

"No, I must make a reflection to myself of today's match…." Yukimura knew that he couldn't even bring himself to say 'today's lost'.

"no, I didn't mean that; I mean what was that phone call? Your family never…" and Sanada let his voice trailed off when he looked Yukimura's eyes. They are not clear grey anymore; it's cloudy and in any moment rain will come down.

"I do have family, didn't I? Why they shouldn't phone me?"

Yukimura sounded irritated and Sanada decided to stop pursuing the matter.

"Yes, you do, I am sorry."

"no; I am sorry." Yukimura lowered his head and put his hand on his face. "I pushed my anger to you again. It's my mom." He sighed. "she was calling to let me know that my grandfather passed away just a few minutes ago."

"What??? You should go and see him now! I'll accompany you!"

"No, it's no need. She told me to see him tomorrow. She didn't want to let me see stepfather."

"…What a ridiculous reason!"

"No, you don't understand. He didn't like me—he hates me. And mom doesn't like me as much as she loves her husband, so I think I better wait until tomorrow."

"Wait. You are their family! You deserved to be there!"

"I never deserved that." Yukimura bitterly answered. "I wish I do." He chuckled.

"Well, you do! You are family, aren't you?"

Yukimura hold his hand on Sanada's chest to make him stop talking and coming to him. He softly explained.

"I am a bastard. My mom have me with some random guy she dates back then in high school. It was lucky my step father still wanted to marry her—but he hated me and wanted me off his sight. My mom was scared that he will leave her, so… here I am. And I know grandpa was the only one who still received me as a family—my grandma has already passed away last year—but I was the reason he had stroke. Since mom had me, he got abnormal high blood pressure and always a thread away from having major stroke."

"Seiichi…"

"Stop it, Gen. I know you are trying to cheer me up, but this is true—I am a bastard and I was the sole reasons grandpa and grandma having their minor stroke one after another… and killed them. well, great, since I will have to cut my connection with them. I don't need to write any email anymore. so… I am fine. I am happy."

"You listen, Seiichi. It's not…"

"I am happy and I am fine." He smiled, while pushing Sanada away. "Please go away. I alone need to make new regime for tomorrow practice. I will make sure that we will never be defeated again. good night."

Sanada was pushed and the door closed on his back. He tried to call Seiichi but Yukimura apparently has lost his ears.

Sanada was worried and shocked. He never knew the whole family situation. He just thought that Yukimura just has some issues with his father. He knew that the one who paid Yukimura's school and living fee was his grandfather and he has saw Yukimura's grandparent once in welcoming new student ceremony. They looked old and tired, but they were smiling when Yukimura walked to the podium and gave his speech as he got the highest mark in student entrée exam.

He remembered back when he fall in love. It feels like yesterday. The image of the beautiful boy who gave a very decent and charismatic speech—all the student ended up listening and cheering for him in the end—smiled and said 'hi, my name is Yukimura Seiichi. Nice to meet you" to him. It sent him frozen, with eyes locked to this beautiful boy. They used to be in the same height, but as time passed by, Yukimura seemed to hit puberty later than others although Yukimura was more mature than them a lot of more inside. Yukimura stayed the same height for a year, until eventually he grew bit by bit until now. Sanada, on the other hand, grew a lot and they have a head and neck distance from each other now.

Yukimura has always stood on his own two feet since they met. He was one of the best students; his name never falls from best 5 in their entire year. He balanced his study and tennis nicely. He even did chores and excellent in it, although he hates to cook when he was alone.

The timing was very great. Just as Yukimura get his first lost, his grandfather died. Great. Sanada knew he couldn't do anything. He was still a child and he has no power to cheer Yukimura up. But he wanted to do it and he knew it is hard to make Yukimura let him do that.

* * *

Review please?

My very first fanfic hahaha.


	3. Chapter 3 END

Chapter 5

It was the third day Yukimura absent from school and practice. Renji looked at Sanada and asked in worried tone; "Genichirou, are you sure Seiichi is fine?"

"I don't know myself." Sanada sighed. "I tried to let me get inside his flat, but it seems he wasn't there—or maybe he was just refusing anybody to get inside."

"What happen? Is he that shocked?"

"Shocked?"

"Well, with his first lost in years, with a first year student, even."

"No. Maybe."

"you really not sure about that? I though the probability you know the reason of Seiichi's absent is 97%."

"then your data is wrong."

They stood still beside the court watching Jackal played against Yagyuu. They were absorbed in the game, each determined to show that they will not loose to each other. Niou was blowing the bubble gum from Marui; and Akaya was busy playing against some random member of the tennis club.

After some time, Akaya went and joined Sanada-Renji. "You finished?" Renji asked.

"Yeah. They are not even worth my time. I want to play against buchou. Where is Yukimura-buchou? He is supposed to play with me today. It was written in the timetable."

"he was absent."

"It's been three days. Fukubuchou; where is he?"

"Why all of you asked me?" Sanada pulled his hat closer to his forehead, "I don't know!"

"are you sure it's not the usual reason?" Niou suddenly appeared behind them. "usual reason like Yukimura was too tired to walk to school?"

"yeah. I know you guys just make up last week; but that's no reason to keep him inside your bed, fukubuchou." Jackal spoke up. It was amazing how he could hear and comment while playing against Yagyuu. Yagyuu shoot his laser beam and it was 7-5 to Yagyuu.

"I win. Pay attention to the match, Jackal." Yagyuu touched his glasses. "but I am agree with Jackal here, Sanada. Yukimura is still weak from operation—it is barely 2 months. You should reduce your desire."

"WHAT???? Why did all of you blame me? I, too, haven't met him since the night we went over there! If you guys have problem with that, ask him yourself! And if you have free time, why don't all of you go and pick the balls????"

Sanada was bursting out. He too, was worried and didn't know what to do. He has been knocking on the heaven's door since last 2 days and it was never opened. He guessed Yukimura went to see his grandfather, but in the end he knew—he just knew—Yukimura is somewhat inside. Like usual, he was hiding himself inside the safe cocoon.

He went running around the court. His team mates followed his example and all of them gone laps and laps, endlessly while their mind was thinking about their missing buchou.

"Hey, do you think Fukubuchou was telling us the truth?" Akaya whispered to Marui.

"well, it seems like that. He was angry and it looked sincere. I thought maybe it was because of other reasons."

Nious jumped in. "Have any idea why?"

"Maybe… he still devastated about the last match?" Yagyuu gave his reason. He was feeling a bit guilty as he was the one who started the down and blue atmosphere last time when they had dinner together. He knew it was inappropriate; he wasn't intending to blame Yukimura. It was just devastating to lose. But maybe he was blaming Yukimura a bit—he really believed that as long as Yukimura is their leader, their last card and the Child of God—they will win against anything. And Yukimura has betrayed that. He knew he was wrong, but it's always easier to have the blame on someone else.

"Well… maybe yeah." Niou answered. "Buchou has never been defeated before."

"but I don't think our buchou has that weak mind. He is the strongest person I know." Marui chirped in. they are more like a bundle of people jogging, instead of running laps. Niou and Jackal was even running backwards by now.

"should we visit him?"

"well, yeah. That's a good suggestion." Yagyuu sighed. "I think we should bring some thing…"

"How about that choux cream from the store in front of hospital?" Marui energetically suggested. His eyes were twinkling. "they are great! I was hook up on them since buchou was in hospital!"

"Hey, hey. Are you saying that you were visiting Yukimura last time because you can have the choux crème?"

"Well, partly." Marui Bunta answered honestly. His friends scowled at him. All of them agree. They have made their mind and they will go. Renji was listening and walking behind them. he just knew he must follow them, because the probability of them whacking the situation is 70% .

"buchou! We are here! Open the door!" Akaya shouted through the door. His fellow friends were at the back, preparing themselves to the worst situation if Yukimura suddenly opened the door and snapped because Akaya was shouting and disturbing the neighbour.

But it was silence who greeted them. Akaya, never say give up, slammed the door and shouted louder. It was still the same. And Akaya tried harder. And the same silence. And Akaya tried harder. And Sanada hits him on the head.

"Shut up! You're disturbing the neighbour! Tarundoru!" Sanada snapped. The whole other members was shocked, didn't think that their fukubuchou will be there. Renji smiled, he was the one who asked Sanada to go with him.

"Sorry. Because buchou didn't open…"

"Maybe he was out. His grandfather passed away just days ago."

"grandfather? Passed away? You mean… the phone call…?" Renji, always quick to catch the information, mumbled to himself.

Provided with more information, Niou and Yagyuu came to realization. "… you mean the phone call that night?"

"Oh!" Jackal and Marui shouted their exclamation. Only Akaya was still looking around and begging for an answer. "What's happening? What 'oh' means?"

"Do you remember that night Yukimura have a phone call from his family?"

"yes?"

"it was about his grandfather passed away news." Sanada explained quickly. Akaya startled and started slamming the door back. "Buchou!!!! OPEN!!! Don't commit suicide alone!"

"I am still alive, thank you." Yukimura opened the door, his face looked tired. Everybody was startled. They didn't expect Yukimura to open the door. Especially Sanada, when he always shouting to be let in for the last 2 days.

"Why are you here?" Yukimura asked in lazy tone, as if nothing happens. "what are you doing, gathering here?"

"we are worried since you've been absent since last 2 days."

"oh… I am fine. I just need sometime alone. You guys can go. I will go to school this afternoon."

"This is already afternoon and there is no night school!" Sanada shook Yukimura. "come back to your senses!"

"then I will go tomorrow." Yukimura answered shortly, his hand already going to close the door when Akaya slipped his feet between the door and the wall. "Buchou, are you ok?"

"Ng? I am fine, Akaya. Thank you. Would all of you go home and move your feet?"

"No! I insist to come in!"

"… I need sometime alone now…"

"You have been missing these last 2 days! You have enough alone time by now!"

Sometime Sanada just wanted to kiss his kouhai. Akaya's frankness has made a hole through Yukimura's wall. Yukimura, looking tired, in the end opened the door and let all of them in.

"Make yourself at home." Yukimura said weakly. "I am going to take a bath."

"Where were you last two days?" Renji asked. Yukimura didn't look back or answer, he just kept walking to the bathroom and in minutes, the shower sound could be heard.

They looked all over—the room was like the last time they were there. Sanada, out of habits, checking the trash can. Nothing was inside. He knew it. Yukimura might have been starving himself again for the last 3 days. He went straight to the bedroom; it was very tidy. The only clue that Yukimura has been alive all these 3 days was the sound of TV from living room; with blankets and unwashed cup of coffee beside the sofa. The TV was on, it was playing a channel on TV. The show about natural geographic. It was strange as Sanada knew Yukimura is not that kind of TV freak.

In fact, Yukimura never opened the TV except when watching those tennis videos with him. Now, Sanada even suspected that actually Yukimura didn't have a decent sleep since that day.

"You are still here?" Yukimura voice sounded strange, with his sudden appearance in only bath robe. Everybody blushed for a while before realized that if they dared to think strange about their buchou, a smack from fukubuchou will follow their head. But it is hard to not stare at those white skin and wet hair, slim body with such delicate waist… it looked perfect, only lack of breast can make them realized that their buchou is not a girl.

"we are here to accompany you. we heard your grandfather passed away." Renji diplomatically answered.

"… Sanada told you?" Yukimura looked sharply at his lover. Sanada looked down, didn't dare to say anything. "What else did he told you?"

"no, apparently, that's all." Renji smiled. He wouldn't want to make any trouble now.

"well, since you know what happen… that's all. Will you kindly go back? I will be fine tomorrow. I will be there in morning practice. I promise."

"we are here to make sure you are ok. We even have some present. This is good." Niou spoke out and shown him the choux crème. "Try."

"… I will, later, thank you."

"No, you will eat that now." Sanada suddenly sounded strict. "You haven't eaten anything since two days ago, have you?"

"… I did." Yukimura looked away.

"What? Coffee is not food!"

"… all right, I am eating." He sighed and took the choux crème. He bite a piece and smiled. "Thank you, Marui. It's great."

"How do you know it's me?" Marui startled.

Yukimura smiled. "You are the one who like this pastry, aren't you? I know you always go to the shop in front of the hospital."

All the members suddenly felt that actually Yukimura do know all of them very well, personally. They felt a bit moved and scared at the same time.

"what were you doing all this time?" Sanada moved closer to Yukimura. Yukimura smiled and tried to avoid him, but Sanada's hand was already grasping his elbow.

"I was watching TV."

"Nonsense. You never skipped school to watch TV!"

"I was just thinking…"

"Thinking of what?"

"I beg you, Gen." Yukimura sounded weak by now, "I don't want to have this conversation now."

All the members hold their breath. This is something like watching the love act of their parent. They are ashamed, but at the same time is attracted to watch. Yukimura's voice was so soft and sexy that most of them understood why they will never can go against his will.

"I think you need to speak now. So we all know and you don't keep blaming yourself."

"What? Talking about my fault letting you all down? Talking about my lost and our failure? Making me felt like an ass more than I already have? Please, Gen… I don't like this."

"We don't blame you, Yukimura…" Yagyuu hold his breathe. Yukimura smiled coldly.

"Yes, as if you don't. I know perfectly you DO blame me, Yagyuu."

"I…!"

"no, I am sorry. I always make an ass of myself. Less assured, I am not angry at you. it's a fact. I will withdraw from buchou's position; you don't need to pursue it anymore."

"BUCHOU!" Akaya and Marui shouted while Yagyuu, Jackal and Sanada shouted, "Yukimura!"

"I will withdraw school this semester; so it's make sense."

"Buchou… you are moving?"

"… the person who pays my school fee is dead. My parents wouldn't care about me. I need to find myself a job… if I want to keep on living."

"sorry? What's that mean?" Niou asked tensely.

"I tell you, the one paying my living expenses is dead and he left me almost nothing to live on. So I need to make my own living; and I don't think school is that important to pursue."

"…so you are saying tennis and us are not important either?"

"don't look at me like that, Akaya. Do you think it's easy for me to take that choice? Not that I ever have any other choice, but… argh! I hate this! It's all my fault and please, just let me be alone."

Suddenly, Sanada kissed Yukimura's lips fiercely. His team mates were shocked, as the couple always tried to conceal the fact that they are going out. Yukimura was startled too, and started to rebel against his hands, but since he ate nothing and very weak, he couldn't move. He just let Sanada came in and passively received the kiss, until in the end, he has no energy left and leaned against Sanada's chest.

"calm down." Sanada whispered inside his ears. Yukimura started to break.

"I know! I know I should, but I couldn't! They wouldn't let me see grandpa now! They even forbid me from attending his funerals tomorrow… Gen… I don't know what to do…" he buried himself inside Sanada's shirt. Sanada started to regret not bathing before coming. He knew he smelled awful. But Yukimura apparently has lost his sense of smell, since he didn't care and keep on mumbling.

"He was the only one who cared for me, Gen… He was the one who came with me to my school ceremony… He was the one who signed my report cards, he was the one who taught me how to stand and speak, he was the only one who will listen and pat my hair. He was the only one who gave me Christmas present every single year… he was the only one who still call me. He was the one who made mom let me live… Gen… I need to see him, I need…. I want to see him!"

"I understand, it's fine… we can just secretly go later…"

"… really? Can we go and not make my mom mad?" Yukimura sounded like a child.

"Yes. I promised."

"Thank you." Yukimura smiled and pulled him off. He is smiling by now. He just realized that he was acting like a baby a second ago, and determined to gain back his image as the mature leader. "Sorry I kept you like that. This choux crème is great. You guys should have tried."

But everybody in the room was just too stunned to answer, and silent followed. It was awkward.

"see? this is why I don't like to talk now, Sanada." Yukimira smiled. "well, at least will you guys follow my order to eat this together while I am still your buchou? I like to abuse my power until the end, I supposed."

"we won't let you withdraw." Suddenly Yagyuu said in determined tone. "If you withdraw, I am out too."

"Me too." Akaya said in unison.

Yukimura was startled for a minute before he sighed. "don't be such a child. I am me, you are you and we are not even family. We are a part of Rikkai, and what we want is victory. Loosing me means nothing. I believe each of you have your own dream and potentials, why risked loosing all just because of me? it's ridiculous."

"It is not funny! I really need you, buchou! I don't like playing tennis without you or fukubuchou! You three are my goal!" "Well, count me out. Thank you for the appraisal; I am happy I was a good example for you. But fate is entirely another thing, don't you think?"

"They are right, Yukimura. You should consider other matters before signed out from the school." Sanada tried to reason with his buchou. But buchou, being hard headed as he is, wouldn't take no for an answer.

"haven't I told you that I have left without a penny and I am sure my parent wouldn't offer to provide my living? I need to work to keep on living, Sanada. And I am not as carefree as you guys."

"Well, at least et us help!"

"Yes, you can apply scholarship on your marks, Yukimura. I think you can get it with possibility of 98%."

"thanks Renji. But it's futile. I'd rather work than spending time inside the school for something I wouldn't even use in real society. well, thank you for the food…" suddenly Yukimura throw away the food in his hand, while mouth busy vomiting the choux crème he has just now. Sanada quickly offered him tissue.

"Sorry, Marui. I think I vomit because it has been days since I have eaten something and my stomach couldn't stand this sweet diary product." Yukimura smiled. "Sorry. I'll buy you another one later."

Marui could only nod. It was a pity scene. Everybody knew that Yukimura has sunk to lower level, not the invincible leader he used to be. The blue haired beautiful Child of God is now vomiting continually while trying is best to act cool. it is not an act everybody wanted to see—they have already have image of him as a God, not a sickly weak loveless boy. Yukimura himself knew that and he tried to drive away those feelings from his team mates.

"Will all of you go home now? I think I have enough time showing this embarrassing self of me."

They eventually leave the flat, each of them unsure of their feeling and impression of the whole situation, while Sanada stayed behind.

"I will stay—you need someone to look after you now."

"Gen, I am not suicidal—in fact, I am really well now. It's fine, I can handle all of this."

"I still refuse to leave. Let me borrow your phone to call my family—I wouldn't go home today."

"I am in no mood of making out with you." Yukimura said coldly, while washing the floor and the table. The choux crème box was still on the table, mostly uneaten.

"I am not here to make out with you either." Sanada said coldly. "I am here to make sure you rest and eat properly."

"Ha! What's the use? I am not an 'athlete' or whatever you call that anymore."

"don't try to act strong anymore. you want to cry, didn't you?"

"Who wants? I am not going to cry."

"… I am sure you know it yourself."

"…" Yukimura looked up to Sanada's face. His face offers a sanctuary he wouldn't get ever again. he would love to jump into Sanada's powerful arms, crying like a girl, cursing his parents and speak about his grandfather. It feels like an eternity has passed since he lost to Ryoma; but it's all didn't matter now. His lost against Ryoma maybe was the omen fate tried to tell him that he is no longer suitable for the nice live he has before.

He knew he could just jump to his hands, but he knew that if he jumped now, his own resolution will break. Sanada will always be beside him, and it will make matters wore. They are both guys, and Yukimura is a boy without family nor future. It will be bad for Sanada to always with him and he doesn't want his lover to face the same blank future as him.

"come here." Sanada sat down on the sofa and touch his tight lightly.

"I… don't think I can…"

"Yes you can. Don't you try to tell me bullshit. I can damn well choose what I am going to do."

"you… don't understand, Gen…"

"What? Again? well, tell me. What am I don't understand here?"

"We are both male. We are still junior high school. I am a futureless boy and without a family. I am nothing now. I even lost. I don't… deserve you anymore."

"Well, I couldn't help that we both male, but I am happy as I wouldn't make you pregnant no matter how many times we do it. Junior high school student mature faster than you think; don't you see how often I am guessed as a 30 years old adult? I have no future too; we don't know anything ahead of us, we are doing what we can to achieve it, aren't you? Lost is a part of the game—everybody will lose sometime. Lost is half win; you can win many times but only lost once. I do think I deserve you… so what else?" Sanada smiled, while acting like he is ready for another battle.

"…ha..hahhaha…" Yukimura smiled weakly. "You have changed, Gen. you can well rebut my reasons nowadays."

"because I need it to make sure you stay beside me."

"… cheesy."

"come. I know you need this. I promise wouldn't do anything. We will just cuddle until morning. Promise. "

Yukimura sat on top of his lover's tight, just on the edge of it. but Sanada pulled him closer, and let his feet rest on the sofa. Yukimura put his head on his lover's chest; heaven, the sanctuary he thought he has lost. Their body heat warmed each other; Sanada just realized how cold Yukimura was. Sanada whispered softly.

"sorry, I was unreasonable. I thought it will be better to stay alone; I don't want to burden you or show you my weak side anymore."

"if you don't show me your weak side, I will forget that you are not an angel and I might expect you to fly away from me one day."

"You regard me too high, Gen. I am not as almighty as you think."

"yeah, maybe. But you are the most beautiful person in this world for me."

"will you… really help me to get into my grandfather's funeral? I really need to pay him the last respect for all he had done for me… he was the only…"

"the only family you ever have." Sanada continued his lover's confession. Yukimura nodded softly.

"well, I think we can."

"will they forgive me? I mean… the team…"

"yes, they will. I know they will."

"But I will still withdraw from the school. I need to search for a job now."

"don't be stupid, Sei." Sanada kissed Yukimura's forehead. "we are still in junior high. Who wants to employ small children like us? I advise you to just continue until high school—after that, you may do what you like. About the fee, I think my family can help you."

"No. I don't want that. I don't want your pity."

"I am not pitying you. I am tying you down to me so that you will not run away." Sanada smiled. "I want you to be my buchou forever."

"hey. Is this a proposal?"

"not quite. Who in the world wanted to marry his own boss?"

"…" Yukimura looked loss, half knowing Sanada was joking and half scared that actually Sanada was telling the truth. But he gave up. He still need this arms, at least as long as he could…

Morning came. The whole members were gathered on the court. Yukimura and Sanada hadn't come yet. They were looking at each other.

"How… should we act today?" Marui eventually asked, while nervously chewing his bubblegum. Niou nodded. "I am asking that too myself."

"why don't act like usual? I think the percentage that Genichirou succeeded in persuading Seichii to change his mind is 78%."

"but there is still chances that Yukimura will leave." Yagyuu looked down. Niou pat his fake twin, tried to soothe him. "I am feeling so guilty…"

"I don't know, I don't have the satisfaction anymore." Akaya continued. "this morning, I don't even have the feeling to go and play tennis; I don't want to see tennis court without buchou."

"I understand. I am at loss too. I couldn't even think a single prank. I know it wouldn't be as fun because Yukimura wouldn't be here to lecture us again. Funny, isn't it? Actually I like being punished by him…" Niou chuckled.

"rest assured, I will still be your buchou until I graduate."

They all looked back and saw their missing buchou. Like always, he looked fragile yet mighty in that Rikkai uniform. He smiled. "well, to start, 25 laps, NOW!"

Everybody smiled and unconsciously follow the order. Their body has been trained to follow the voice; something like the dog-and-bell-effect. When the dog is fed with conditioned of ringing bell everytime it is given food, it will eventually become a habit that everytime the bell ring the dog will salivated, although no food is given.

Yukimura run in front of them. With his beloved fukubuchou.

Well, at least all ends well for now.

_____________________________________________________________

PLEASE REVIEW. SO THAT I CAN IMPROVE MYSELF. CRITISM WELCOME. I AM WAITING WITH MY CHIPS.


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